Surprising inspiration

I've been writing about my thoughts, and how I've been feeling for this last week. An unexpected hand reached out from my past, in the form of my now ex-girlfriend, Erika. She expressed her sympathy at what's been bringing me down and has me feeling so lost. It was what she said to me that gives me the inspiration to  write a little more about myself today.

And it now that I quote her words in today's post. She told me "if there is one thing I know about you, it is that you have more love to give than anyone else I have ever met. You love so fiercely and so exclusively that it makes you loyal to the death. Hopefully your friend will recognize that"

What strikes me so much about her words to me, is that I heard something similar from MaKalea before our fight that led to the separation of our friendship. She told me that she knew no one would ever love her as much as I do; that the reason she trusted me so much before was because I loved her so exclusively. Though, Erika is right. I give my loyalty wholly and completely to those I feel worth it.

Which leads me into the next note I have to say about myself. Though loyal, I also find myself fiercely possessive when it comes to the ones I love. I dislike sharing the people in my life. Which isn't fair to the people I care about, so I try not to let it bother me. But, it's hard. On top of my possessiveness, I am often times maddeningly jealous. It's difficult, getting as jealous as I've found myself sometimes. I've seen red, lost sight of the things I found important over what should have been no big deal.

It's a detrimental, horrible trait I carry inside me. And I've lost the people I care about because of it. It's something I wish I could change about myself; I just don't know how.