After losing interest in writing all those many months ago, I find myself drawn back to the comforting habit, which soothed my mind for many years.
What draws me back today, is the how lost I feel right now, after losing my best friend. We had a large argument Saturday night, which left me mostly sleepless, and another sleepless night on Sunday after a falling out that left us not speaking at all.
I've expended all my resources in an attempt to apologize, but my fear is that it's all for naught and will bear no fruit. I'm afraid that this lull in our friendship may be permanent and I'll never again speak to the person who came to mean so much to me.
During our argument Saturday evening, I said horrible things; things that I know I'll regret for the rest of my life. It's my wish, though it will likely never come true, to apologize and at least try to make up for the hurtful things I said. I was a fool for not realizing how much I cared for her, and that it took losing her as my friend entirely to show me what she meant to me.
And now as I sit here writing this instead of going to the gym to try to clear my mind, my thoughts I believed I could put on "paper" are coming out so muddled, and I find myself even more confused and distracted than before.
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