All my life I wanted to know what it felt like to end another person's life. Sure, I could kill animals, see the fear in their eyes before I ended their lives. I felt bad killing these animals because I was smarter, and they didn't understand what was happening. Their fear was instinctual.
One might argue that death is death, but I disagree. Sure, there's small animals like mice, birds, squirrels, even coons, but none of these brought me satisfaction. I wanted a sentient, intelligent being's life in my hands. I wanted to hold a human's life in my power; where I controlled if they lived or died. This was not because I had anything against other people, not yet anyway. It was because I wanted to hold the life of a being that understood what was happening; what I intended to do.
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