A list of life: Family

Family is ... well, family. Often times, when asked to rank the things most important to their life, people put family in the first or second slots of the top ten things most important to them. People have families, be it their mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters; their cousins and grandparents and everyone else. Or those unlucky not to have a family in their blood, who must reach out and create a family in their closest friends.

I imagine there are many others, who like me, never had a family. As hinted before, blood does not mean family and family does not mean blood. Family is much more than simply sharing blood relations with someone. As an individual, I didn't experience family growing up. I had an abusive older brother, one whom hated me and wanted for nothing more than me to disappear. My parents were neglectful. My basic needs were taken care of: I had food, shelter, I went to school and got picked up from daycare. But as a child, the bond I needed with parents wasn't there. They favored my brother to the point that I was nothing. He could do no wrong and I could do no right. Everything was always my fault and that does not breed to family.

Also starting at an early age, was my lack of friends. Younger children are often more social than their elder counterparts turn out to be, but some, like myself, are shy even during the young ages. I didn't know how to talk to other kids well. I kept to myself and read my books or watched from afar. Family didn't come to me through friends either. At least, not for many years. I was thirteen years old when I finally started to make some friends. I had Ian, who was my best friend at the time and through him, I met a few girls who became some of my closest friends. Those same people were the first ones to offer me a sense of family and belonging. It's a shame that they all left in the end.

Ian decided we weren't friends anymore the next year, during freshman year of high school. The following year, Laina ditched her old friend-group to start afresh in high school as a freshman. Also during sophomore year, I found out Kacy had been lying to me and I told her to fuck off; not wanting a compulsive liar as a friend. At fifteen, I lost the first family I had. After losing my friends who doubled as my family, I kept to myself; avoiding people.

I didn't really find a family again after that until a year ago, during my freshman year of college. My roommate was a guy named Danny. We didn't exactly get along, but we didn't dislike each other either. Seemed as if to the both of us, the other wasn't there. We didn't talk, we didn't hang out, we didn't do anything but ignore the other. But then, I met a guy from down the hall, living a few doors away. Matt. A lonely freshman encounter, oddly enough, in the bathroom. As a sophomore, Matt had already experienced freshman year. I couldn't tell you why he extended his saving grace to me, but he did.

Through Matt, I found a family again. I met some new friends. People who instantly accepted me into their fold and treated me as if I'd always belonged with them instead of having just moved in. We'd hang out most weekends and I was always sure to keep an eye for them around campus. Come second semester, though, my family fell apart for the second time. Introversion left me unable to deal with people very well. And I can't personally stand physical contact. So when after winter break, and Chelsea started hanging out with Matt and I a lot more often, they grew close and I was pushed to the outside edge as the third wheel. Everyone who has ever been a third wheel knows how much it sucks, and I lost my place.

Luckily for myself, I met a girl second semester. Her name was Erika. She was immediately nice to me, and was quickly one of my favorite people to talk to in class. One day, as I was leaving the basement - having just shaved my hair off - she invited me to do my homework with her, for German class. That started our study sessions, which led to her telling me of her feelings, and eventually my asking her to be my girlfriend.

Now, more than 5 months later, we're still dating, and she - Erika - is all the family I need.

About: Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a funny thing. It can strike suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving you longing for the past.
Close to two weeks ago, I was back at Hope college campus, no longer as a student, but as a visitor. At first, it didn't bother me. I was glad I wasn't going back; happy I no longed needed to deal with school and had an extension to my summer before I ship off to boot camp. However, as I spent time with Erika, walking around campus and seeing all the new, little freshies, I was surprised to find myself feeling nostalgic. Don't get me wrong, I hated orientation. I hated going through all of that crap as a freshman. But knowing I could be back and not be a freshman was almost a fantastic feeling.

I've made my decision, however, and I must follow through on it. Though there are parts of Hope College life I'm going to miss. I won't get to see Matt or Chelsea as often, two of the only friends I made on campus. I'm going to miss spending nights going to the Science Center with Erika or pulling last-minute all-nighters in the basement with her. Donut runs never really happened, so I can't say I'll miss those much. But definitely going to miss having all the time I had last year with Erika. That's what I'll miss the most, though in a way, it's probably a good thing I'm not coming back this year, considering I'm a bad influence that leads to less work than should being completed.